Needed: One brave priest to exorcise my dog.

My other "Dog" Emma is a monster.

She eats blankets and is only the size of a small stuffed animal.

I mean full size blankets! Devil dog.

Her eyes bulge out of her head. I don't even know if she can even see straight.

She has no voice box and makes weird squeaking noises.

She also snores VERY loud.

She sleeps all day. I have to wake her up to make her eat or go outside.

Then at about 3 am she wakes up. I think this is when she does her devil worshiping and blanket eating.

I need a priest to come and get the demons out of her.

This morning..

This morning I woke up fairly early and I decide "Hey! I'm going to go upstairs and drink my coffee"

As I'm making my way up my stairs that

seem never ending I see my dog running down the stairs coming towards me full throttle.

I'm all like "Dog! Stop running you are clearly going to knock me over"

The dog (Tessa) is like " RUB MY BELLY"

So I run down the stairs screaming like a little girl. (Which isn't so bad considering I am a little girl. I could have run down the stairs screaming like a man. Which really would have worried my mother)

My dog continues to chase me down the stairs barking her stupid head off.

Finally I hit the bottom of the stairs and decided to hide.

Stupid me.

My dog has Jedi mind reading powers. I forgot.

So she used her Jedi powers and found me.

She gives me this look and I can tell she thinking one of two things

A) You better rub my belly or I'm going to puke in your bed

or

B) If you don't feed me I will eat everyone and everything that you love.

So just to be safe I took both A and B

After pouring her some food Tessa looks and me and sits down and starts barking.

I'm like okay you cow dog. You always eat your food and don't even think twice about it

what is your problem?

She replies with "Bitch puh-lease! Do you expect me to really eat this cookie cutter shit? I want pancakes bark bark woof howl woof"

So this morning my dog and I ate pancakes. Which is a terrible idea to give your dog pancakes because once you do... She will never want her dog food again. It's like meth for a dog.

I don't really like pancakes but whatever.

Tessa takes the win again.

I think the score is like

1000 to about maybe 2.

I let my dog walk all over me.